Ellen and I were sailing along the northern edge of South America during Venezuela’s attempt to totally bankrupt an oil rich country in record time. We’d heard that the narco smugglers had given up on yachts in favor of submarines so some out-of-work mariners had taken up the pirate life to augment their salaries. We tried to stay at least 50 miles north of the coast. Seemed like a short way to go for a high speed pirate boat, but towards the end of our trip we dropped a bit farther south to get to Bonaire and Curacao, taunting the would be pirates to show themselves. No such luck. Would have been an entertaining blog post. Just can’t count on a pirate. They have their own code of ethics and obviously being on time to a raid is not on the list of must do’s. So in the honor of those pirates that have left Golden Glow alone we offer a few stories… please, no hard feelings, but we have to start with …
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
”What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”
“What about the wooden leg? … You didn’t have that before.”
“Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, knocked me into the water and a shark trimmed me leg to a nub, but I’m fine now.“
The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? … What happened to your hand?”
The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I’m fine, really..“
”What about that eye patch?” ”Oh,” said the pirate, “One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over … I looked up, and one of them shit in me eye. Arrrgh.“
”You’re kidding,” said the bartender. “You couldn’t lose an eye just from bird shit.”
”Well, it was my first day with me hook.”
Okay. Now for some quickies:
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!
What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty!
What has 24 arms, 12 hands, 12 legs and 12 eyes? A dozen Pirates!